A Taste of IVF Over 40

Archive for February 2008

Outstanding!  This article says there is an enhanced opportunity for implantation immediately following the removal of a polyp or a D&C: http://www.infertilitysolutions.com/thoughts_polyps.html.

I am secretly asking myself “Why on earth am I still on the internet?!!”.  My secret answer is that I cannot seem to get enough information about all this IVF stuff.  I may ask for a job at my clinic!

Now, seeing as how I am getting my polyp out in two days, I shall be asking my IVF doctor what his opinion is on this information.  Am I lucky to have a small polyp that’s about to come out?  I’ll let you know!  Anyone else have any information about what they’ve experienced with polyps or D&Cs?

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I am feeling happy, strong and healthy again.  You know I think the hormones are at least 50% of the reason I felt so scared and helpless during the last few days of my two week wait.  I was irrational!  The other 50% was probably due to the fact that I didn’t have enough distractions.  I feel pretty good again now.  I’m positive, but not as naively optimistic as I was.  As of today I feel a lot less lethargic – although I firmly believe the lethargy I’ve been experiencing is mostly mental because if I am distracted and if I am feeling good about myself – there is no lethargy. 

My IVF doctor is pretty wonderful, I think.  When I had my last embryo transfer I couldn’t help but say to him how fortunate I felt and how lucky I was that there were people like him with the knowledge to assist us.  His reply … “it’s a privelege to be able to be a part of your process and to provide this assistance”.  I’m very happy with him.  I am very satisfied with his knowledge and experience.  He’s removing a little polyp for me on Monday morning.  I can’t wait to find out what his plan of attack is now that he understands more about how my body responds to the drugs. 

I’ll be asking him what he thinks about doing another stimulation again instead of using my two frozen embryos.  Unless he has a really good reason why I shouldn’t, I’m thinking that this may be what we’ll do next time.  If there was a really good reason, what could it be, I wonder?  I’m also going to ask him to tell me what he thinks about putting three embryos back next time.  Although, I think it may go against the clinic’s policy.

Yesterday my miracle didn’t come.  My HCG blood test level was only 2.  My husband rang me and I had a good cry on the phone.  He was such a darling when he told me.  I drank half a bottle of wine last night (my husband had the other half – well, OK I had more than he did).  Bad idea!  I have a hangover today AND I conveniently got my period/AF this morning to rub it in good and proper. 

My IVF specialist rang me later in the day to say he wanted to remove my polyp next week.  I guess I’ll be back in the swing of things pretty soon after that – he knows that I am seriously running out of time.  I’ve put my ‘big shoes’ on and so I am now pulling myself together and reassessing my options. 

QUESTION:  If you are able to help me make a decision, I’d be grateful.

We have two frozen embryos.  I’m thinking of asking my doctor to leave them frozen and stimulate me again asap.  I am 40 years old and I know my eggs are on their last legs.  The cycle I just had seemed to give me four good embryos out of six eggs.  I’d rather harvest my eggs whilst I still have them, keep trying with fresh embryos, and keeping growing my stash of frozen embryos.  I am 40. Once my eggs become too poor to use, if I am not pregnant, I can then start on the frozen embryos.  WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I am nearing the end of my two week wait.  I have about an hour to go I reckon.  They’ll call me soon.  This will be, of course, to confirm what five home pregnancy tests have already told me (and my husband does not know about a single one of them) – that I’m not pregnant.

The phone just rang and I didn’t answer it.  I hope they ring my husband at work.  I am a chicken and I am so sad.   And yet, I am still holding out for a miracle.

Crushed. 

Okay.  I am not pregnant.  I am due for my blood test tomorrow and just this morning my home pregnancy test (HPT) again showed that I am not pregnant.  It is about 13 days, or two weeks, since the embryos were transferred.  I’m expecting my period anytime soon.

You know, I think it is a good idea doing the home pregnancy test first.  I will actually be OK on the phone tomorrow when they tell me.  I doubt I will miraculously become pregnant between now and tomorrow morning.   I no longer feel insane.  I have some clear information (five pregnancy tests in four days) and so I have settled, even if the news isn’t what I wanted to hear.

I’ll post the official blood test outcome tomorrow but my next step is to seek out a new plan of attack from my IVF doctor.  I have no time to waste and I am keen to see how soon he will get me back in the system.  I am physically feeling fine.  Just beaten up mentally – but I’m ready for round two.

Okay, I have avoided writing this but it’s the truth.  I have not done anything for the last four days.  Nothing.  No work; nothing constructive.  Just simple tidying up around the house – about half an hour a day.  Otherwise, I have been watching TV and surfing the internet to either keep distracted or feed my compulsion for information.  Anything to make me feel better.  Any article or statistic that offers to improve my odds.

I bought a home pregnancy kit a few days ago.  It was one that contained two tests.  I used one this morning and it was negative.  I am considering redoing the test tomorrow and then buying another one and testing myself each day until the actual blood test.  I have read every article, blog and forum entry Google could muster on why it’s not a good idea to do this.  But there you go.  I caved.  It seems any information is better than none. 

A week ago I would have said that to do this was stupid.  Well, look what happens to you when you go through this.  The test I did of course means nothing.  So why did I do it?  I didn’t even admit it to my husband.

I finally had my shower today at 5:00pm – I spent the entire day in my pyjamas.

I know I will be shattered if the result of my blood test is negative in three days’ time. 

I spent about half an hour this afternoon flicking through a baby goods catalogue.  I picked out my pram, cot, bottles and even considered the nursery theme.  I even selected two of each outfit – one for each twin.  Of course I didn’t order them.  But it gets me thinking … am I turning into one of those women who steals babies?

I have become irrational and to top it all off I can’t have a nice relaxing glass (or three) of red wine.  That sucks.

I AM insane.

My mind has left my body and I am simply a walking shell … waiting until Monday.  My husband has been so understanding, I’m very lucky.

Three more days to go until I find out if I am pregnant.