A Taste of IVF Over 40

The Truth

Posted on: Thursday, February 21, 2008

Okay, I have avoided writing this but it’s the truth.  I have not done anything for the last four days.  Nothing.  No work; nothing constructive.  Just simple tidying up around the house – about half an hour a day.  Otherwise, I have been watching TV and surfing the internet to either keep distracted or feed my compulsion for information.  Anything to make me feel better.  Any article or statistic that offers to improve my odds.

I bought a home pregnancy kit a few days ago.  It was one that contained two tests.  I used one this morning and it was negative.  I am considering redoing the test tomorrow and then buying another one and testing myself each day until the actual blood test.  I have read every article, blog and forum entry Google could muster on why it’s not a good idea to do this.  But there you go.  I caved.  It seems any information is better than none. 

A week ago I would have said that to do this was stupid.  Well, look what happens to you when you go through this.  The test I did of course means nothing.  So why did I do it?  I didn’t even admit it to my husband.

I finally had my shower today at 5:00pm – I spent the entire day in my pyjamas.

I know I will be shattered if the result of my blood test is negative in three days’ time. 

I spent about half an hour this afternoon flicking through a baby goods catalogue.  I picked out my pram, cot, bottles and even considered the nursery theme.  I even selected two of each outfit – one for each twin.  Of course I didn’t order them.  But it gets me thinking … am I turning into one of those women who steals babies?

I have become irrational and to top it all off I can’t have a nice relaxing glass (or three) of red wine.  That sucks.

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