A Taste of IVF Over 40

The Ungrateful IVF Bitch

Posted on: Monday, March 10, 2008

How ungrateful can a woman get?   I can’t help feeling ripped off.  I feel like an absolute bitch for thinking this because so many people are going to so much effort to get me pregnant. 

Yet, I am thinking this.  I am feeling a mix of anger and self-pity today.  What a loser.  As I type this I can hear my conscience trying to balance out my thoughts – but it’s losing.

OK … Now the truth is there is nothing wrong with me.  Right now I am about to ovulate a healthy egg within my healthy reproductive system.  Yet I can’t get pregnant!!  

Noooooo.  I have to go through this whole IVF thing and get my eggs harvested and embryos put inside me.  With sperm from some guy I’ve never met.

Can you believe how tempting it is to entertain the idea of just walking up to some man and asking him to have sex with me?  Think of how much time and money I’d save.  I could have six kids by now.  AND it’d be a lot more fun.

Of course, in reality there’s no sense at all in thinking this way (well, I’m sure there won’t be in a couple of days – when I am over this).  My husband wishes to God that he could make me pregnant.  Well, I think he does.  How do I know?  Maybe deep down he’s grateful that we’re not having a baby so it doesn’t interfere with his retirement plans.  No, I don’t mean that; it’s certainly not his fault that he can’t make me pregnant.  But it did run through my mind.  Yesterday he even suggested adoption.  But we’re too old.  Well, he is.

How did this all start?  Well, I asked my IVF doctor yesterday how much time he thought I had left to fall pregnant with my own eggs.  I had to ask.  He said I’d have a reasonable chance for about another year. 

One. Year. 

And it’s not my fault.

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