A Taste of IVF Over 40

Posts Tagged ‘donor sperm

Eight (8) follicles – not 12, not 14, not 18.

  • Here is where we remind ourselves that it’s all about quality, not quantity.
  • Here is where we remember that these are 23 year old eggs; not 41 year old eggs.
  • Here is where we consider that there should be a high fertilisation rate.

Positive thinking … that’s all I’ve got. 

I accompanied my niece to her nurses visit at the clinic yesterday.  I felt so darn bad/mean/helpless/useless/sad when I saw the little bruises on her little belly from the nasty needles.  Really!  I felt like such a USER!  It is very humbling. 

I feel so sorry for Andi.  I don’t know what I’ll do if this doesn’t work out.  I feel SO sorry for Andi.  I’m not even ready to imagine what it would be like to be in her position.  The poor girl’s situation has really jolted me into reality and so I am trying to be positive.  Andi, you have my best wishes.

First I had to give up hope of falling pregnant ‘naturally’.  Then I had to give up hope of using my husband’s sperm.  Then, I (finally, after a pretty good fight) gave up the hope of using my own eggs.  If I am destined to discover that even my donor’s eggs haven’t worked … wow!  Ouch.  I don’t know if I am ready to go there. 

Positive thinking … that’s all I’ve got today. 

I am also hoping and praying for the Evil Stepmonster, who has had an incredibly hard and long journey. She will find out her results in a few short days.

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I’ve been waiting.  I am a “mother-in-waiting” (well, sort of!).

My niece just had a second appointment with the counsellor and an appointment with a psychiatrist (on the same day to accommodate her flights).  Additionally, my husband and I meet with the counsellor again tomorrow.

Then we wait on THE verdict … whether or not we are all “good to go”.  In other words, does Melbourne IVF, its doctors and counsellors, think the three of us are confident, comfortable, informed, rational, etc. and able to pull this off. 

I hope so.  I think so.  We find out for certain in just a few days.  I am apprehensive, yet quietly confident.

I understand the required amount of detail and the level of thoroughness.  Of course we need to make sure that in forty years’ time the three of us still feel that this decision was the right one.

I changed the style of my blog.  Instead of an olive green it is now a bright green!  In keeping with a brighter future for me I hope!

Well, I must admit that I have had no symptoms (yet) from the clomid and Gonal-F.  I hope they’re working!  I’m going in for a scan on Thursday to see how things are looking.  I am so apprehensive because I don’t know how the clomid will work with me.  It could make a bad cycle or a FANTASTIC cycle! 

I selected another donor!  There were only three to choose from.  Three sperm donors from the whole of Melbourne IVF.  I am very surprised, considering all the women who go through IVF here in Melbourne.  Surely some of their husbands consider donating?  I wonder why they don’t.  In Australia, all eggs and sperm must be donated through an IVF clinic – you can’t get them any other way.  The donor leaves an anonymous profile and completes a medical questionairre.  The donor receives no payment but the recipient picks up the costs, when they choose his sperm. 

Maybe they don’t know about the shortage?  Maybe they just need to be asked?  Well, I’m asking.  If you’re in Australia and you and your husband would like to help out other couples … people like me would be very grateful.

Well, I just took my first dose of clomiphene.  Two tablets each 50mg.  I start the Gonal-F injections tomorrow – only 300 iu this time.

My cat and dog are getting along very well nowadays.  The kitten loves the dog and often wants to play with him.  She runs up and flings her body into the air in front of him … sooo cute.  The Border Collie isn’t so much into the cat but he has looked like he wanted to play with her a couple of times.  Time will tell. 

I’m so very glad I got the kitten.  She has been such good comfort and company during some tough times.  Mind you – I wish she was more prompt at cleaning her butt after she goes in her kitty litter!  I hope she gets better at that as she gets older!

On another note.  The clinic rang to say that they’ve run out of the sperm I was using and they can’t track down the donor so we’ll have to choose another one.  Today they said a selection is in the mail to me (deja vu) so I have only a matter of an hour in which to read them and choose a sperm donor.  This is because they need to have a donor confirmed tomorrow – before they’ll start me on the cycle.  Wish they’d had this planned a little earlier!  It’s been a week since I saw the doctor.

Well, that envelope better arrive.  If I don’t have a choice made tomorrow they’ll have to cancel the cycle.  That is so not going to happen.  I’ll drive into the city and collect the profiles myself if it will help.

  

I’m so excited!  I could be pregnant in four weeks! Yay!

Today’s scan revealed I have eight mature follicles and four little ones.  I will have my eggs collected this weekend.  I checked and the same sperm donor we used last time is still available so we’ll be using him again (a real-life angel). 

I thought I’d write down what my current views are on the following:

Acupuncture and IVF: Well, you know I haven’t done a full course of acupuncture; I only started three weeks ago.  However, so far so good.  My follicle count has improved – would you believe it is actually higher than when I first did IVF in my early 30’s.  However, one could remain sceptical when one takes a look at how well(?) my digestive system has been behaving since receiving acupuncture.  My digestive system has been behaving very *interestingly*, and my appetite has completely disappeared.  Great if I was trying to lose weight but, according to my acupuncturist, very, very bad if you are trying to have lots of energy for growing healthy eggs.  Also, I have no IVF whore-moane symptoms.  No bloating and not a single cramp, pain or headache … Is this the acupuncture?

Three Month Break with Birth Control Pill:  This caused me such angst.  I was ever so worried that my last few fertile months are being filled with wasted time, by going on the pill for almost a month.  However, this could well be an attributor to the above positive outcome with the follicle count.  Although one must remember that this is precisely what I did last time when I only got six follicles.  I think next time I will actually be a lot calmer about taking the BCP.

Limit of Two Embryos Transferred for Over 40’s: This stinks.  In Australia, the story is that you can only have two embryos transferred.  Full stop.  This is a good policy to save having triplets.  But really.  What are my chances of triplets?  I’m using my own 40 year-old eggs!!  My IVF doctor disagrees; he thinks that it is possible I could become pregnant with triplets using my own eggs.  Well, we both have our own opinions.  We can agree to disagree and then we’ll do what he says we are going to do :-).  Regardless, I think it’s out of his hands.

Introducing new Kittens to 7-year-old Border Collies:  What a catastrophe.  William is soooo jealous.  Tabatha just wants to be friends but he hates her.  He pretends to like her but he snapped at her last night.  BAD DOG!  Oh well, it is still early days.  My opinion?  Get them both together when they are babies!  Cutie-pie photos coming soon!

How ungrateful can a woman get?   I can’t help feeling ripped off.  I feel like an absolute bitch for thinking this because so many people are going to so much effort to get me pregnant. 

Yet, I am thinking this.  I am feeling a mix of anger and self-pity today.  What a loser.  As I type this I can hear my conscience trying to balance out my thoughts – but it’s losing.

OK … Now the truth is there is nothing wrong with me.  Right now I am about to ovulate a healthy egg within my healthy reproductive system.  Yet I can’t get pregnant!!  

Noooooo.  I have to go through this whole IVF thing and get my eggs harvested and embryos put inside me.  With sperm from some guy I’ve never met.

Can you believe how tempting it is to entertain the idea of just walking up to some man and asking him to have sex with me?  Think of how much time and money I’d save.  I could have six kids by now.  AND it’d be a lot more fun.

Of course, in reality there’s no sense at all in thinking this way (well, I’m sure there won’t be in a couple of days – when I am over this).  My husband wishes to God that he could make me pregnant.  Well, I think he does.  How do I know?  Maybe deep down he’s grateful that we’re not having a baby so it doesn’t interfere with his retirement plans.  No, I don’t mean that; it’s certainly not his fault that he can’t make me pregnant.  But it did run through my mind.  Yesterday he even suggested adoption.  But we’re too old.  Well, he is.

How did this all start?  Well, I asked my IVF doctor yesterday how much time he thought I had left to fall pregnant with my own eggs.  I had to ask.  He said I’d have a reasonable chance for about another year. 

One. Year. 

And it’s not my fault.

Oh Boy.

The donor information arrived in the mail today.  I must say I was shocked.  Only four to choose from.  I read them and none of them sounded like us.  Not like someone I would date, let alone have as the father of my child.  It’s the truth.  And I feel so guilty and spoilt to think this because these beautiful men have donated their sperm for altruistic and loving reasons.

Reading their profiles.  They all seem so very genuine and so sensitive and caring.  I cried.  Then I re-read them and cried again.  I cried because I was so touched by their generosity and their love towards a child who has not even been created.  These men are heroes.  They are asked questions such as “What were you like at school? How would you describe your personality? Why are you donating? What are your hobbies?” and so on.

My husband was out of town so I had to try to fax them – didn’t work.  Why is it my fax line has mysteriously stopped working?  I scanned each page and emailed them to him – too large.  Had to send a million emails to him with one page each in them because the software for my scanner isn’t set up properly (long story) and I can’t change the scan properties.

We decided to ring the IVF Donor Administration and ask them if there was anyone else.  “No, very sorry, that’s all there is”. 

After doing some internet research I realise donor numbers are dropping as the likelihood of children tracking down their donor parent – and vice versa – is now quite high.  This is a whole area we are yet to deal with.  When to tell them.  How to tell them.  Should you tell them.

We decided on one lovely fellow.  They were all lovely.  God bless them.