A Taste of IVF Over 40

Donor Eggs – Donor Sperm – Many Attempts – Much Joy

Well, yes they are here.  And I am so proud.  No amount of sleepnessness can take away my happiness.

The labour went well.  I was admitted at 6:30am, inducted at around 7:30am and delivered them just before 4pm.

I had an epidural.  That was always going to be the case seeing as how it was twins.  There’s a lot more that can go wrong, so just in case … and just as well I did.  Twin One was delivered via suction because my OB wanted to make sure I had plenty of energy left to push out Twin Two.

Twin Two was playing hide and seek so the OB had to go in and ‘fish him out’!  He managed to grab a hand first (not exactly what he was after), but then successfully pulled him out by his foot.  Twin Two was assisted with forceps.

They’re both healthy and we’ve had a relatively smooth time considering my age.  I’m breastfeeding about two or three feeds a day and the rest are formula feeds as it’s been difficult to produce enough milk as yet but I don’t mind because it means my husband gets to play a very involved role.  I think I’ll keep breastfeeding for at least six months; hopefully a year.  Apparently my age affects my breastmilk production as well as my egg quality.

I can’t describe the exhaustion though.  I pinched a nerve in my neck during labour and I’ve still not recovered fully.  I only have about 70% mobility in my left arm which is difficult (and painful!).  Often I have cried from exhaustion and stress.  The first four weeks has been extremely difficult and no amount of reading can prepare you for the inevitable shock of twins.  They are a lot of work.  Let me restate that – they are a LOT of work!  But I love it, love it, love it – truly.  They are so precious to us.

They look completely different from each other.  I should rest assured that it was the same sperm donor for each baby but goodness they look totally different – to the point where we cannot find any similarities in their appearance at all!  Of course they are from the same egg and sperm donors – and their appearance is also nothing like my husband or I.  Would you believe, not one person has commented on who they look like!  Noone has said “ooh, he’s got your nose,” or anything like that.

We love them SO much it HURTS.

This is the wonderful end to a very painful story.  I hope it gives you inspiration and strength.

I honestly didn’t think anyone was still reading this blog.  If you are still reading it, I thank you so much for your interest.  

I guess I am attempting to wind it down now that I am pregnant.  To be honest, I feel a little bit uncomforable because I’m frightened to ‘rub’ my pregnancy in the face of people who are still trying to get pregnant (and who have read this story based on the fact that they are indeed having trouble conceiving).  The blog is called A Taste of IVF Over 40 because it is intended to be about IVF, not pregnancy.  It mostly gets read by people who have searched for terms such as “TTC” and “home pregnancy tests after IVF”.

Having said that, I am really flattered that people are still checking in.  Thank you 🙂 

A brief update: I am feeling fine.  I’ve just returned from a lovely and relaxing holiday driving around New Zealand in a motor home with my husband (the calm before the storm he called it!).  The twins often play contact sports inside me (well, where else are they going to play them?!) and I have had the luxury of a fuss free pregnancy.  My symptoms have been: Trimester 1 – Debilitating nausea, headaches and extreme exhaustion; Trimester 2 – very sore belly due to rapid expansion of uterus, ligaments, etc.; Trimester 3 – very sore belly (still) and a complete and utter distraction from reality as I realise that my babies will be here in a couple of months or so.  I have simply purchased everything already.  Everything!  Socks, cots, baby carriers, car seats (they’re already in the back seat of my car!), bouncer/swing thingies, breastfeeding pillow for twin-feeding, blankies, bunny rugs, beanies, nappies, wipes, bottles, breast pumps, bottle warmer, steriliser – you name it – I’ve got it.  I am SOOOO excited. I have washed their little clothes, sorted through everything at least three times, made up the cots already (sheets and all), hung a mobile, packed their little items for bringing them home from hospital into my nappy bag … 

I am wondering how Swine Flu affects unborn babies as there has now been a case reported in our suburb.  Consequently, I am thinking that I should avoid mixing with people when it’s not necessary (shopping centres, etc.).  Anyone got any information on this one?

I am currently researching a Doula to assist with the birth.  I will be up against the odds in choosing a natural birth.  Apparently my hospital is known as “Caesar’s Palace” with the highest C-Section rate in Victoria, Australia at almost 50% (for singletons!).  The report is here.  My OB said he’d support me to have a natural delivery but he said that most OBs wouldn’t.  He said that I’d have an epidural regardless and so my labour won’t be a particularly active one.  Hmmm.  Therefore, I think a Doula will be good for me.  They are supposed to reduce the incidence of C-Sections by 50% due to them helping to create a calm atmosphere, enabling the mother to feel more confident and involved, etc.

I hope everyone sleeps well tonight.

Happy as Larry – that’s me … and my husband!

I just had the 19 week scan – we’ve got two boys in there and I am just starting to feel them moving around.  And, I think it’s starting to sink in, finally! 

I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in my entire life.  Every minute of pain has been totally worth what I am experiencing today.  This is what happiness is.

Well, I am cruising along – here is a list of events that are not necessarily related to IVF that show that it worked (finally!):

1. Still Spotting: At 8 weeks and 3 days my obstetrician organised a scan to investigate why I was still spotting just about every day (despite having already had my progesterone increased to 1200mg per day).  I got to see the two little ones again and they were both good sizes with good heartbeats.
2. Spotting Stopped: My spotting finally stopped, at 8 weeks and 3 days.  How’s that for timing!!!
3. Pregnancy Symptoms: It’s summer here in Australia and I’ve had a few nose bleeds.  I’ve also had some massive headaches.  However, the real news is that I am couch-bound.  I am seriously and sincerely suffering from debilitating morning sickness, the type that stays all day.  I am losing muscle tone everywhere from not doing any physical activity; being vertical makes me sicker.  I have no energy and get exhausted walking up the stairs in the house.  I am not overweight – just absolutely exhausted after any physical exertion.  I’m not drinking enough fluids and I’m not eating enough; I have no appetite.  My eyesite has weakened a bit and I look five years older than I am.  But you know what?  I AM PREGNANT and I DON’T CARE!!  I’m not complaining … just describing.  I have taken all day to write this (well, I actually started it three days ago) because I have to keep lying down.  I am sooo glad I am not working because I would be useless. My husband, bless him, has cooked dinner every night since Christmas Eve – no special Christmas banquets at our house, we had cold meat and nibbles!  He is treating me like a portable incubator and I cannot complain at all; I am very lucky.  I have also had a few ‘crabby’ episodes.  I had to ring my Mum one day to apologise for a phone call that would have been particularly uncomfortable for her.  She still doesn’t know we’re pregnant.  Although she may still be putting it down to IVF hormones.
4. My First OB/GYN Appointment: My appointment with my OB/GYN did not go as I hoped or planned.  It was terrible.  I had simply asked a friend who she had used and I regretted it.  I didn’t get the feeling that this doctor really cared about me or my emotional situation at all.  She was terrible at building rapport with me and did not smile.  She asked me very matter of fact questions and gave me very brief responses.  She had very poor eye contact.  I started crying about five minutes into the meeting.  I just ended up clamming up and hardly said anything at all.  The icing on the cake was when she told me that it would probably be a caesarean because I was carrying twins (her only reason).  My sister had her twins through a vaginal birthand I’d like to know that I’m in with a chance of doing so as well (don’t ask me why, I just want to try to do it).  When I told her I’d prefer to try to have them naturally I got the unmistakable feeling that she was not open to discussing it and I seriously could have sworn she semi-rolled her eyes at me.  Now, I don’t hold this against this particular doctor; it’s just her style/preferance.  My friend was quite happy with her (but did end up having a caesar, by the way).  Really, so many pregnancy books and websites do tell you that selection of your OB is very important, so I’m listening to them.
   I just feel like I didn’t ‘click’ with this doctor.  To be completely honest, yes really, after all I have been through with the IVF process, I have now realised that I am in need of some fully fledged molly-coddling by my OB.  Now, I certainly do understand that these guys are specialists and that they are generally concerned with the technical side of a pregnancy (that’s why I am not saying that the aforementioned doctor did anything that was really wrong).  I understand that the true/original purpose of an OB was to have ‘difficult’ cases referred to them by GPs.  I understand this and so I’m not complaining.  Having said that, I also know that there are OB/GYNs out there who are genuinely more caring.  So, I did some research and have now settled on a Dr Peter England, who also works with the Freemasons Private Hospital in Melbourne.
5. Down’s Syndrome Screening Test: This was organised by the original OB and so I am still going to go ahead with the tests.  I have checked and I can just change the doctor’s name on the request forms for the scan and the blood test.  I am hoping I shall be quite safe given the youthfulness of the lovely eggs I used.  The blood test is scheduled for tomorrow (10th week) and the scan to measure the nuchal translucency is for the 12th week.  They said we can buy a DVD of this scan so it must be an interesting one.
6. Stopping the IVF Hormones:  Now I’m nervous!  I stopped the Oestrogen and the progesterone two days ago (yay – glad to be rid of those pessaries).  I am freaking out though – feeling my breasts, checking my undies, gauging my nausea, hoping not to see a decline in the success of my pregnancy.  The blood test for Downs Syndrome scheduled for tomorrow also asks for some other tests including checking my progesterone levels and so I am hoping that this test shows all is well.
7. Acceptance of the Pregnancy:  I know I am pregnant and I love it.  Love it.  However, I am still in ‘protection mode’.  I am still refering to the foetus as ‘it’, as opposed to ‘them’, and I cannot visualise two babies, if I try hard I can visualise myself with one.  This is not doomsaying on my part, well I don’t believe it is, I actually think it is my unconscious psychological approach.  I still can’t believe I will have a baby and I’m content with taking one day at a time.  I can just tell you that I am ten weeks and three days pregnant.  Mind you, when I pass 14 weeks (two weeks after we lost the last little one) I shall be be on top of the world and then I will tell my Mum and Dad!

So, basically I have been a basket case 🙂

Not sleeping properly and not thinking properly.  My husband is kinda used to this seeing as how I haven’t been thinking properly, due to the IVF hormones, for quite a while.  He still gets frustrated though.

I am happy and everything seems to be going well.

Here are some lovely photos: www.sheonabeach.com

Bit petrified.  Bled bright red yesterday with mild cramping.   The bleeding gradually turned brown and it’s stopped now.  I wouldn’t have been so panicky; well I didn’t panic until I read the following in one of my pregnancy magazines (yes, I’ve bought three of them already!).

“Red blood loss with period-like pains is more likely to end in a miscarriage.  An ultrasound scan can see if the baby’s heart is still beating, from about six weeks”.

After I read this I took an extra progesterone pessary, lay down for 25 mins, stood up, felt really dizzy, felt like I was going to vomit, started running to the toilet, got dizzier, half fell to the floor, made it back to bed and lay there for another 20 minutes.  OK, I was panicking.

It was the cramps that made me panic.  They were just like period pains.  And they were happening whilst I was bleeding.  It didn’t last long but I felt my dream slipping through my arms.   Scan on Tuesday; holding my breath until then.  I’m feeling better now.  Just part of the process.  If I hadn’t been through all these IVFs I know I wouldn’t feel so frightened every step of the way.  Maybe I even imagined the cramps were worse then they were.  Still, what caused this little episode?

I have made an appointment with an obstetrician recommended by a friend of mine who had her baby delivered just a couple of months ago.

She is at East Melbourne.  Amazingly, she is in the same building as Melbourne IVF, although I don’t believe she is linked to MIVF in any way; my IVF nurse hadn’t heard of her.  She only works at the Freemasons Private Hospital and they have already booked me in.  It’ll be nice going to the same place I think.

I wasn’t screened for a multiple pregnancy (not that I could shed any light on the matter) before they accepted me.  The receptionist seemed quite nice and my first appointment with this OB/GYN is in three weeks on Tuesday the 6th of January. 

My (final!) scan with my fertility specialist, Dr John McBain, is on Tuesday the 23rd of December.  Until then I am taking it easy and praying a lot.  Hopefully I’ll be as lucky and happy as our friendly Evil Stepmonster – congrats again!!.

Well, I am very, very happy!

My second beta is 3375.  I am over the moon.  It has more than tripled in three days. Just quietly (v e r y quietly), I think you may be right about twins (especially you Andi)!  Let’s keep our fingers crossed.  I want twins so badly that I refuse to get excited about two babies … not enough certainty for that, not for me anyway.  Less than two weeks till the scan. 

Oh, and I forgot to mention that my spotting (12dpo) stopped after only two days.  I think it was because the label that the pharmacist put on the jar of progesterone pessaries covered the words “lie down for half an hour after insertion” … I’m probably getting the correct dose now (imagine a big ‘L’ over my forehead).

My niece is also over the moon.  We sent her a bunch of flowers and told her that she is our hero!

I know I lost the last little one at 12 weeks but I’m not dwelling on that.  The odds are with me and this is a time that is just plain full to the brim with excitement.  I want to cherish every day as a blessing and celebrate this fantastic opportunity. I have no time nor need for fear or worry.  I am pregnant and IT FEELS GREAT!

This really has been an arduous journey and so thank you to everyone who has helped me celebrate.  My scan is December 23rd … just in time for Christmas!

I got this fantastic idea from so many of you:

Melbagirl's Beta Levels ☼ YAY ☼

Yes, we have had a bit of a mix-up.

My niece started her Synarel on Friday and I started mine on Monday.  The nurse wanted us to start today (Wednesday). 

Ooops.

Talk about poor communication!  This would simply have been a major catastrophe if we were further along in the cycle.

The good news is that being on Synarel for a few extra days does no harm.  This means that we officially start sniffing today.

The problem is that there is a 1.5 hour time difference between my niece and the clinic (made it difficult for the clinic to get a hold of her on a couple of occasions, my niece is still chasing some paperwork that they need returned (hence the delay in the sniff-start-date), my niece changed jobs and they didn’t have her correct mobile phone number, my niece’s mobile phone ran out of credit (that happens to young people), aaaaArgh!  Still, you would think that a veteran such as myself would have smelt something fishy …

BUT … all is goooood!

I’ve just gotta make sure we are all on the same page now – time to make a coupla phone calls.

Ah well.  It’s back to the clinic for me.  I got my period today.  Thank you so much for your support.  It means the world to me.

She started off by looking at my tongue.  Said I was low on energy, stressed and had a digestive problem. 

It was quick, easy and painless.  I didn’t have to undress.  I wore a tracksuit and she put needles into my tummy, ankles, ears, and forehead.  The ears and forehead are for reducing stress and the ankles are connected to my tummy (yes they are!).  Because I’m only about three weeks off the transfer date she said there was no need for Chinese herbs; just the acupuncture. 

My next session is booked for the morning of my scan on May 1st.  This is good timing so I can tell her what the doc says about how I’m lookin’ inside.

I have finally found a detailed description of what happens to an embryo after it is inserted: http://humrep.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/reprint/13/8/2107.pdf 

Ah … I can now make myself a cup of relaxing decaf tea.  Hmmm … what am I supposed to worry about now?  Back to the old chromosomal abnormalities I suppose.  

I have found a very good blog for information about IVF and infertility: http://www.healthline.com/blogs/infertility/2006_11_01_infertility_archive.html  The entries in the archives answer some of our common questions in a little more detail. 

Mind you, I still don’t completely understand why the embryos don’t fall out before they embed, but in an effort to appear smarter than I am I shall continue to scour the internet for a satisfactory understanding.  It’s not that I don’t believe it – I just want to know ‘how’.   Maybe I am truly too bored and anxious.  My husband is out of town and now I am alone 24/7.  It’s quite nice usually – I love solitude.  However, it’s the last thing I need right now with my impending insanity.

I found a blog from Dr. Licciardi at http://infertilityblog.blogspot.com/2007_08_01_archive.html. He says:

“Can embryos fall out of the uterus through the cervix? Maybe they can. They do get up into the tubes. Pregnancies in the cervix are extremely rare, so I would think that the number of embryos traveling down the cervix would be pretty low. On the other hand, maybe the cervix is such a bad place for an embryo, it doest grow well there. Does this mean that some women have a leaky cervix explaining their repeated lack of pregnancy? It may. My feeling is that the cervix is made to block out bad things and keep in good things. The theory has been proposed before, it’s just such a tough thing to prove.”

Makes me feel a little better.

I’d recommend reading heaps of his blogs, a bit like a good book on IVF, if you have some spare time.  They describe patient situations, give further information about common and rarer problems, and explain the pros and cons for different treatments.

Blimey.  I can’t wait any longer

 … c’mon little ones, burrow down and snuggle in tight … it’s test day in one week and I need a nice strong positive result. 

I feel like I am  g o i n g   i n s a n e.

Time is moving so slowly.  I feel so lethargic.  I simply cannot concentrate on anything.  This is all starting to get to my husband.  Oh, he’s being very good about it but I’m sure his patience will wear out.  I need to shake myself out of this.  I just want it to be test day already. 

It is officially day six (or is it seven?).  About now the embryos are beginning to implant into the wall of my uterus.  Well, that’s what I hope they are doing (if they are good little kids!).  

Still 10 days to go until my pregnancy test.  I am so anxious.  I feel like I could easily start knawing on the couch if I’m not careful.

OK.  I got it.  There are actually detailed instructions that the nurse gave me (with the syringes) that I didn’t see until now.  The needle goes into your belly.  It is a little complicated to organise the ampoules and needles (unless you’ve done it a few times I bet).

I reckon I am the first person in history to snap the ampoule off at the wrong spot.  It didn’t snap the way it was supposed to – I had a couple of small fragments of glass on the table top.  Stupid.  How did I manage that?  I hope next time goes more smoothly.   My sharps container is full.  Chockers.  I still have one more injection.  I wonder if I can take them to my local chemist and ask if I can put them in their sharps bin.

Now, some women insert a gel with an applicator.  I asked the nurse why I get the two injections instead of the gel.  She said something like that it was probably because I didn’t respond as well as some women to the first lot of hormones – (you know how I didn’t grow all that many follicles?).  Anyway, it all went well.  It didn’t hurt. 

I have to take two more injections.  I give myself one today and then the other one in four days.  I was surprised when I read the instructions – this hormone is obtained from the urine of pregnant women.

I am a little confused.  The nurse said I should inject it into my stomach and the packet says it should be injected into a muscle.  I’m pretty sure the nurse will be right though.  I’ll ring the nurses again today to get a clear answer.  If it has to go into a muscle I’m not sure I can do that.

The nurse gave me the needles and syringes and the pharmacy gave me the ampoules.

There are two ampoules.  One has the drug in a powder form and the other is just saline.  You have to attach a long needle to the syringe, crack the ampoules open, suck up the saline, drop it into the powder (where it instantly dissolves), suck up the new mixture, change needles and then inject it.  However, this may not be right so when I ring them later today I’ll ask them to go through everything.

Wow!  I am so over the moon!  Four good-looking embryos!  The best two are for me today and the other two will be frozen for later.

I left home in such a tiz this morning.  I was all ready to leave but I couldn’t find my sunglasses.  It’s so sunny in Melbourne today that I had to wear them for the drive into the city.  Well, I ended up finding an old pair and shoved them on my face as I flew out the door.  When I got to East Melbourne I parked the car and grabbed my hairbrush out of my handbag to run it through my hair.  Oh excellent!  I found my sunglasses – they were on my head the whole time!

When I got to the clinic I was ushered to a special waiting room that I think is just for us gals receiving transfers.  Although there were a couple of men there so I’m not sure exactly.  My IVF doctor called me into a small room and I changed into a gorgeous floral gown, he he.  I hopped onto the bed and we began.  The procedure felt a lot like a pap smear, but it took longer.  In fact, I’ve had more painful pap smears!

The best part was when the ‘lady out the back’ (scientist?) put my two (beautiful looking) embryos up onto a small TV screen.  I got to see them right before they were inserted.  Then she sucked them up into a very thin, long flexible looking tube.  She passed the tube to my doctor and he put the embryos into my uterus.  Yay!  It took 5 minutes. 

Now.  Let me describe this to you.  There is a strong urge to just lay there.  You don’t want them to fall out!!  I almost had to peel myself off the bed.  You go to all this effort and then after they’ve been inserted you just stand up??!

Of course I had to bring it up.  My doctor explained it well: “think of the drops of water left on your skin after you get out of the shower … they don’t go anywhere, they don’t run down – they stay as drops on your skin”.

Well, that’s what my two embryos are doing … I’m hoping they like it where they are!

I have a blood test on the 25th February to see if they decided to stick around.  Until then I’ll just think pregnant I guess.

The easy part.  Tomorrow I shall drive into the city and get the embryos put inside me.  Let’s keep our fingers crossed because at this point I have no idea what quality the eggs are and how many of them successfully fertilised. 

Will I have any embryos left over for freezing?  Will there be any that are good enough for transferring?  I suppose at least one has fertilised because otherwise they wouldn’t have contacted me with the time for my transfer.  Unless, they are just taking advantage of that appointment time to tell me face-to-face that it didn’t work?   Aaagh.  I’d better get off the couch!  My idle mind is creating all kinds of useless scenarios. 

This cycle has gone pretty well with hardly any side effects (so far?) so if I have to go through it again I won’t mind.

Most of today I felt no pain at all and I slept well last night. 

I say that and then I have to admit that I went grocery shopping in the afternoon.  I shouldn’t have.  I got home, took two panadol and ensconced myself on the couch.  My abdomen was sore. 

Now, I am not a chocolate eater.  I could count on one hand the amount of chocolate bars I’ve bought in the last five years.  But I bought myself a whole family block of fruit and nut when I was at Aldi this afternoon and I ate about four rows of it whilst I was on the couch!

I’ll let you know how the transfer goes  …

Alright.  I had my eggs collected and there were only six.  Yes, secretly I hoped for more than six but the real crux of the matter is the quality of the eggs and embryos, right?

Let me tell you what it was like.  I checked into the Day Procedure Centre at the Freemasons Hospital at 09:15am and I was in my gown by 10:15.  Prior to the procedure I spoke to the anaesthetist and my IVF specialist.  I made sure I confirmed the initials of my donor prior to the procedure (because we had changed our minds at one point).  I was lying on my bed in the operating room and I was introduced to the scientist who would be working on my eggs through a window.  The window was much like a servery window from a kitchen – sort of.  Anyway, it means that the eggs can be taken from me and passed immediately to the scientist through the window where she can work on them.  She told me that there were six follicles.  I said “Oh, I thought there were more than that”.  She said, oh yes, there were two small ones (but I could tell by her body language that they were too small).

Oh boy, at this I felt quite sad, and mentioned to the wonderful nurse that I might get a bit emotional.  She was so nice and blotted a couple of my tears with a tissue.  My anaesthetist was by now preparing my arm to sedate me.  He said so many nice things to make me feel better – he was even being funny!  These people are sooo lovely!

I soon felt the drug.  It started in the back of my throat and surged through my body.  After a few seconds I was off to sleep.  It seemed like the very next moment I was waking up, and feeling blissfully relaxed and calm.  Mmm-mm.

After half an hour or so I was eating raisin toast and drinking tea!  How civilised!  My IVF specialist came to see me and told me he got six eggs.  I was not surprised given that I had only six follicles so I was already over it and I was thinking positively again.  And he didn’t give me any evidence to be concerned at all.

Eventually, my husband was called in from the waiting room to help me get dressed and we left about half an hour later.  I think we were gone by about 12:30 or so.  I was given a couple of panadeine by one of the nurses.  I took two more panadol when I needed to because I was sore for the rest of the day.  I spent the rest of the day on the couch with my husband propping me up, getting me cups of tea and more toast.  Mmmm-mmm.  I felt very spoilt actually!

Oh such excitement!   I had no side effects today; I’ve been very lucky.  I just feel very protective of my belly and it feels a little weird – sort of delicate.  I like to keep it fairly still because when it moves too much it feels even weirder! … could be psychological!

We are off to the hospital first thing in the morning.  I’ll write in a day or two to let you know how I went and how many eggs I made!

Well, I did it! It was at 10:15pm last night, whilst I was watching Medium. My husband gets up early and so he’s usually in bed by 10:00pm. He even stayed up to support me (although he couldn’t look!). Well, it didn’t hurt … AT ALL. It didn’t sting or anything. The only difference I noticed between this injection and the other ones is that this one was harder to push through the skin. Like the needle wasn’t as sharp or something. Maybe it wasn’t as thin. I don’t know. But I had to try pushing it through twice because the first time I didn’t have enough pressure and the needle just kept pushing the skin down without penetrating it. All my injections go into my belly and you can’t exactly bounce a bowling ball off of it! Oh well, whatever … it worked just fine. Let me tell you about how the air bubble works. It actually stays in the syringe. It doesn’t go into you. You push the plunger all the way down (as far as it can go) but the plunger doesn’t go down far enough for the air bubble to exit the syringe. The air bubble just makes sure that all the fluid has gone. I haven’t had any side effects from this needle. In fact, apart from the headaches I haven’t really had any side effects at all. I didn’t sleep very well last night though. I stayed awake until about 01:30am. Couldn’t sleep. Watched an episode of Law and Order and most of a Jerry Springer show – my God! That show is so trashy. A good friend calls me an egg factory. My little egg factory is changing gears now! We’ve gone from R&D, through analysing operations and improving performance to quality control. We’ll soon be supplying the product

OK … it’s started!

A nurse rang me at 02:10pm today to tell me when I was going into hospital.  I was just about to ring her but she saved me the trouble.  I am really anxious and excited.  I am to go to hospital and have my eggs picked up on Saturday morning.  Therefore, I have to give myself the special little trigger injection at 10:15 tonight.  I actually rang her back to check about how to give myself this injection – as it is different to the others so far – but I was apparently right on the money. 

I am already nervous even though it is not until 10:00pm tonight. This injection will tell my ovaries to release all the eggs they’ve been growing.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep afterwards.  The nurse did tell me that this injection stings a little more than the Gonal injections (which really don’t hurt at all).  I’ll update this blog tomorrow morning and let you know how it went.

OK – I am waiting patiently for the announcement of when my ‘trigger’ injection will be.  Then, they will be able to collect my eggs.  I wonder how many eggs I have?!  Such excitement!  I wish I was working right now – time would surely fly faster. 

Today I did a stupid thing. 

I forgot to prepare my injection properly before I jabbed myself.  I stuck it in me only to realise that I hadn’t set the dosage dial or pulled out the injection button.

Ew.  I had to pull it out of me and then do it again.  I guess I saw it coming – I nearly made this mistake so many times already.  Silly me.

I’m wondering about my sperm donor.  He must have been advised by now that we have selected him.  He also gets to read our profiles (I think).  I remember filling out a sheet that asked us what message we would like to give to our donor.  I hope he has a warm feeling inside and that he has a sense of how grateful we are.

Uggh.  The headaches are now just continual and paracetemol does nothing anymore.  My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my teeth, neck and shoulders hurt.  Apparently it’s the nasal spray but I’ll have to confirm.

I am so tense I could almost KILL for half a bottle of good red wine and a lovely dinner!  Alas, but not for some time.  I’ll either be drinking a full bottle in about three weeks (to commiserate if all does not go well), or I’ll be having something at sometime in about a year.  Let’s hope it is definitely the latter!  I’m just kidding about the full bottle of wine.  … no I’m not.

I seem to be losing my appetite.  I have to push myself to eat.  I’ve never been a big eater but I could easily go for a day and not miss food if I allowed myself to.  I’m not nauseous.  Nothing seems to attract me enough to eat it right now.

However!!!  I am still so excited about my good scan today with my healthy follicles!!  Let me go and make myself a nice cup of decaf tea to celebrate!

So much anxiety!  I was so excited to go to the doctor today that I forgot to take my nose spray before I left home.  Not to worry.  I took it when I got home, I was only an hour late.

He could see 8 follicles and then he found … a polyp. 

Hmmm … one of those little buggers again.  I had one of those about two years ago.  It was pretty simple to remove it.  He didn’t seem too phased by it although he was surprised it had not been detected on either of the two previous scans.

He said he’d put one embryo back for me.  I asked him if he could put two.  He said  “alright then”.  I was surprised he didn’t suggest two straight away.  Of course, I like to kid myself that this is because he forgot that I am 40 years old, because he thinks I only look 35, he he.  I could get all paranoid and think that he suggested only one because that’s all he figures I’ll get …

I figure two embryos is a good number.  I’d personally like three to go back in but I think it goes against the law/policy.  If I have twins it’ll be fine by us.  Having two embryos going back in will effectively double my chances.  As we said good-bye he said everything looked very good.

It seems my little eggs still need a bit more time to mature.  I will now continue to take the Synarel nose spray twice daily and the Gonal injections daily until Thursday.  I’ll ring the clinic after 2:00pm on Thursday and they’ll advise me of whether I am to have my egg pickup on Saturday or Monday.

After each visit to the doctor, I then walk down the corridor to the nurses; they are very knowledgeable.  Today the nurse explained to me that after you give yourself the ‘trigger’ injection (it’s in my fridge) you wait for a couple of days or so and then there will only be a three hour window during which the eggs must be retrieved by the doctor.   This injection is Ovidrel and is completely different from the other injections I’ve been taking.  It looks like a proper syringe and there is a fair-sized amount of air in this syringe (well, an amount the size of a pea).  I am supposed to inject all the fluid and then the air will follow.  The air will form a ‘plug’ after the fluid goes in to make sure it stays where it is is supposed to, or doesn’t come back out, or something (I am still not quite sure what she means).   “Fine”, I said, “I can do that”.  She was a very nice nurse – she said I looked like a famous actor from overseas.  Oh, these lovely people – they really know the right things to say 🙂 he he.

I’ve had some very slight twinges of pain in my ovaries. Both basically at the same time. I’ve got another of those headaches that make my teeth hurt. I am apprehensive about my scan tomorrow – I want to know how many follicles I have. I am praying for lots of healthy eggs. I feel totally and utterly useless … except, it’s time for my injection … hmmm – that’s something I can do that’s worthwhile!

So far, the only symptoms I believe I have (besides the minor ‘ouch’ of the daily injections I give myself) are headaches.  These come and go and my head feels really tense and my teeth, jaw and neck hurt. 

My mum and I were speaking on the phone yesterday and I thought I sounded a bit rude to her so I rang  her back and broke the news to her that I was on IVF.  Not a big deal but I couldn’t have her potentially getting concerned.  So now she knows.  I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t want her to worry.   I asked her not to tell Dad because I am afraid he’d accidentally tell others in our family.   I probably should trust him more.

Why am I so personal about all of this?  I don’t feel like a failure.  Maybe it’s because I don’t want too many people wasting too much time wondering, worrying and talking about me.  Maybe it’s because I don’t really like people talking about me.  I think it’s because I would absolutely and utterly hate anyone to feel sorry for me.

OK.  I have been sniffing Synarel twice a day – haven’t missed one.  And, I have been injecting myself with my Gonal injections daily as well – at 3pm each day.  Good job.

I went for my scan today and the lovely doctor tells me that my follicles are underdeveloped. “I’m going to have to increase your dose” he said.

Oh.  My follicles are underdeveloped.

Today showed that I have five follicles on the right ovary and four on the left.  I just have to make sure that they grow big and strong by Tuesday and have healthy little eggs inside them. Hmmm … I should be able to do that!?  He’s increased my dose of Gonal-f from 300ui daily to 450ui daily.

So. Now I will inject myself for another four days with an extra 50% in the injection syringe, then come back for a third scan on Tuesday to make sure my follicles and eggs are all happening.  Cool.

LATER THAT DAY …

I was OK with that.  Until I gave myself the injection.  There is a big difference isn’t there!  An extra 50% of fluid takes up a lot more space inside you.  Ouch.  It hurt a little bit this time.  Oh. but I’m a big girl – and it’s all for a good scan.

OK.  I know I said we had chosen a donor yesterday.

Well, this morning the Donor Administration rang up and said they had another donor.  Goodness.  After all the deliberation yesterday I didn’t want to get my hopes up.  I went in today for a second scan and picked up the profile whilst I was there.

Well.  We are very pleased with this donor.  His hobbies sound a lot like my husband’s hobbies.  His profile sounded very like my husband could have filled in the form – sort of.  Am I wrong?  Is this the way you should choose a donor?  How should you choose a donor?

I know they have all been screened till the cows come home for any medical issues.  But one cannot go on appearance alone either (should you choose one that looks like your husband?).  What about the type of work he does (should you choose someone who’s line of work you relate to?)?  What stupid questions, yet they were all that was flying through my head.

I worry about my husband.  He says he doesn’t really want to get too fussed about who we choose and that he would be happy with whoever I choose.  I hope he doesn’t feel inadequate.  But strangely, I don’t think he does.  I think he’s coping really well.  He’s a rock.

At the end of the day, beggars can’t be choosers.  But I am glad regardless that we received this extra donor profile.  We’ve decided to select this new donor as our donor.

Now I’m getting clever.

I took my little injection to the tennis I did!  I injected myself right there in the ladies’ room at the Champion’s Bar!  It’s amazing what goes on behind closed doors.  I then went back to our little group and had two chardonnays with no-one any the wiser (except my husband who I think admires me for giving myself injections!).

Now.  Should you drink whilst all this is going on?  I now feel a little bit guilty.  What if I corrupt the process in some way?

I read the doctor’s material and it says that you should avoid alcohol but if you do have some, just one or two drinks is not too bad.

Maybe I shouldn’t be worried.  But you never know. I’ve decided this is my last alcohol.  If I find out later that I am not pregnant I shall drink a bottle of chardonnay.

Well.

I sat very still with my skin pinched and an injection looming for at least ten minutes.  Maybe more.  Eventually I mustered up the guts to inject myself.  And then I did that again … and again.

Eventually, I actually injected myself.  In fact, I had worked myself up into such a state that I did not feel the needle go in. 

It surprised me how difficult it was to push the plunger down with my thumb – not that it hurt – it’s just that it took effort.  It didn’t slide down as easily as I expected it would.  The nurses told me to count the clicks but I didn’t remember to do that until it was over.

The worst part for me was the part where you have to leave the needle in place for five seconds before you remove it.  That’s when you start to notice the pain (what little pain there is!).

Afterwards you have to put the needle into this special little ‘sharps container’ they supply you with.  Cute.

All in all – fairly easy if I do say so myself!  Very proud I am!

The drug is follitropin and more information can be found here: http://www.drugs.com/cdi/gonal-f-rff-pen-solution.html.  Although, of course you should consult your doctor for information – not me.

The scan is internal.  You don’t have your legs in stirrups but they are in a similar position. 

Good news – ready to start production!   The wall of my uterus is thin and my ovaries are happy.  Suits me!

I was coughing like a mad woman with the doctor and again with the nurse – can’t wait until the antibiotics start to work.

Hmmm.  Injections start tomorrow.  Eeek.  I’m giving them to myself.

Now I just have to shake this cold/virus/bug that I have.  It has been really bad. 

I have been coughing consistently for two weeks and I am exhausted.  I also have high temperatures and a runny nose.  My husband has been sleeping downstairs because I just cough all night … ALL NIGHT!  It’s killing me.  Well it’s driving me mad and it’s very sad.  There seems to be no end in sight.  I keep saying to myself I’ll just wait one more day before I go to the doctor but I was not getting any better. 

I finally caved and went to my GP.  She prescribed me antibiotics and a puffer/inhaler.  I hope it is all cured by the time I go under the anaesthetic.

I’ve just realised I haven’t made the appointment for my scan yet.  Arggh!

I should’ve made it ages ago.  They told me about it on the schedule they sent me in the mail about a month ago.  Silly me again.

Made the appointment.  Phew.  It’s for Thursday.

I have now taken the pill for the last time.I am continuing with the nose sprays twice a day.  They are now easy to take.

I am now to start to take the Synarel nose spray along with my pill (until 17th Jan, when I stop taking the pill).

It’s not too bad.  I am to take a sniff of it every morning and every evening.  The drug in the nasal spray is narafelin.  A good source of information about this drug can be found here:

 http://health.yahoo.com/reproductive-treatment/nafarelin-nasal/healthwise–d00574a1.html

OK … OK!  I am to ring the Blue Team and let them know it is Day One of my period.  OK, find the little card they gave me.  What time is it?  Argh.  OK – now I was supposed to start taking the pill wasn’t I?  OK well, it’s already part way through the day.  I’ll take the pill now and wait for them to call me.  I left a message on the nurses’ voice mail. 

They called.  “Don’t take the pill until day five”.  Oh.  I took it.  “OK, well then just keep taking it then.”  Silly me.  It seems that all I did remember was to call them on Day One.

Meeting with the Melbourne IVF Accounts Department allows you to find out all about how much everything will cost and how to try and get the most back from Medicare.  It is a bit fast-paced but there’s a lot of information.  The are just down the hall from the councellor’s office.  We just chatted with a helpful lady there for about 15 minutes and she gave us a few printouts with information on them.  I am yet to read them properly to understand them.

My husband and I have discussed having another child and how it would affect us.  We’d done this to the point that there was not much to discuss at the counselling session. 

It’s good to know this service is available if there are undiscussed issues, or issues you didn’t even realise you had.

As we are receiving donor sperm, we learnt that there are not many sperm donors available.  We also learnt that the trend nowadays is to tell your child they are from a sperm donor. 

One important thing that I learned from further research is that there are other donor programs available.  But I question their quality and safety.  Other donor registries may not test the quality of the sperm or keep sperm donor records.  Wouldn’t it be a tragedy if your child met a sexual partner in the future who had the same donor father and was in fact an unknown sibling.  This article is particularly good: http://sunday.ninemsn.com.au/sunday/cover_stories/article_1646.asp.

Not a biggy.  I got a referral from my IVF doctor to go to a Melbourne Pathology branch.  The lady who took my blood was kind and careful. 

They like to test you for all the regular things like rubella, aids, syphilis, hepatitis, etc.

I must say that I almost totally botched my nursing appointment.  In order to see a nurse fairly quickly (I didn’t want to waste any more time!) I had to make an appointment at a satellite clinic.  I didn’t want to waste another month.  The lady on the phone who arranged my appointment was very helpful.

Wow!  What lovely women.  They are genuinely caring and they are also very thorough.  It’ s as if they recognise you are on edge and they just want to keep you calm and positive.

My IVF Team is “The Blue Team”.  It’s a lot like taking your car to your local Ford service centre!  I can contact my Blue Team with the slightest question.  The Blue Team consists of the nurses and doctors who work together to manage their patients – including me!  They have their own phone number and you can ring them at any time, or leave a message and they will call you back the same day.

They almost bewilder you with their overload of information about dates, scripts, instructions, blood tests, scans, medications and hormones (or whoremoanes as my husband calls them!)  However, they make sure they give you heaps of time for questions. 

My first visit to the nurses also resulted in me learning how to inject myself … ugh.  Although they get you to practice with empty needles on pretend flesh it’s still a bit scary. 

The most important information I left with was no matter what you forget … don’t forget to ring them on the first day of your period!  They gave me a card with their number on it and repeated that I must not forget to ring them on the first day of my period. 

Then, I’ll start taking the contraceptive pill (!!!).

My husband and I went along to see our new IVF doctor.  He was on time – yay!   I was certainly optimistic, happy and positive when we breezed through the door to his office.  This quickly changed when he pointed out to me that I was over 40 and basically said that my chances were slim. 

My husband also described how at our other IVF attempt (eight years ago) he had been diagnosed as sterile.  Our new doctor explained that a lot of developments have taken place over the last eight years and that he should definitely provide a sperm sample so they can retest him.  Otherwise, he just asked about my medical history and dictated a few letters (one to our referring doctor, one to the doctor who we saw at our IVF attempt eight years ago and one to the Melbourne IVF counsellors). 

I like my doctor.  I came away with a prescription, instructions and phone numbers.

I live in Melbourne and I asked my local GP for a referral to an IVF specialist. 

It seemed to me that my GP selected an IVF doctor from the top of his head.  So, I asked him how he came about choosing this particular doctor (at Melbourne IVF) and he said this IVF doctor had referred someone to him in the past. 

I decided to settle for this referral given that I did not know any more than my GP did.